Seven years ago today my ex walked out the door, never to return.  At the time, I did not know that would be the last time he lived in our home, as we did not officially separate for 10 more months.  My marriage was an abusive one; I thought it was the only life I was destined for.   It was like I was on a roller coaster ride that would never stop long enough for me to escape.  Fortunately, in June of 2009, the roller coaster paused long enough for me to jump off and run with my three beautiful children by my side.  I thought life was rough within the marriage; it was just as rough outside the marriage. It was just a new kind of terror.

I exited the roller coaster and entered a maze that I did not know how to navigate.  I quickly learned how to survive and provide for my children and me, and along the way, I have learned every type of resource necessary for survival.  I had worked as a part time professional photographer while raising my kids, but my new journey changed me, and I knew there was a reason for my past and that was to use it to help others. I have spent the next part of my life taking care of my children (one having more needs than his siblings), going back to college: on top of my Associates in Business Administration, I recently graduated on the 30-year plan receiving a Bachelors of Arts in Psychology, a Bachelors of Science in Interdisciplinary Studies of Social Sciences with a minor in non-profit management, and am currently pursuing a Masters in Education, Higher Education; volunteering for many non-profit organizations, etc. From the outside it would seem that I finally have it all, but I’m really not there yet.

I am determined.  I strive to be both mother and father and be the best role model I can for my children.  Yet sometimes, I realize I tend to always be focusing on making everyone else happy.  This is where I went wrong in my marriage.  I got lost in his demands. I believe the closer I come to having it all, I freeze.  I don’t know why this is because I can clearly see the future I want, but I am afraid to say it out loud; thus, the purpose of my blog is to let go of the past and embrace the future I want and to remind myself that I am worthy of the next chapter of my life.  If I send my vision out to the universe, there is an accountability my competitive side will hold true to.  This is not a New Year’s resolution blog, it just happens the date my ex drove his truck away was New Year’s Day.  The symbolism, however, has not been lost on me.   I know that I can only create this path, stone by stone, because the best part of setting goals is designing another route around the barriers that get thrown in the way.  So here it goes, my cry to the universe, “I will spend the next year living a healthier life full of exercise and a healthy diet, continue to make time for myself and my children, apply and be accepted into a doctoral program that will help me make a difference in the lives of students with Asperger’s Syndrome and other learning disorders, and to put my fears on the top of my to do list and attempt new endeavors that I would normally stray away from.   Look out 2014, here I come!